This town needs another Irish pub like it needs another convention center. Ok, ok, that's too harsh. Let me start over…Tir na nÓg is a nice addition to the Philly bar landscape. I'm not holding it against nÓg Inc., but before we get into this, let's tell you that the franchise originates from Philly's angry, bloated, step-sister to the north, NYC.

Located on the ground floor of The Phoenix Hotel at 16^th and Arch, the Philly version of Tir na nÓg brings a cleaner more up-to-date Irish pub to the area. Philly has its share of Irish booze-halls: The Irish Pub (so nice, they built it twice @ 13^th and @ 20^th), the Fado franchise, the boorish Black Sheep, The Plough & the Beautiful People,  and the Irish disco inferno McFaddens.

But do any of these places have plasma screen tv's like the nÓg?…I think not! How about real imported Irish slinging the brews? (Well, maybe The Plough does.) Stained glass windows, freshly stained?!? No!….And do these other places have a drunken Leprechaun who dances on the bar, gropes your girl and then starts cursing and pelting people with his belt buckle-shoes until a tranq gun puts an end to his inebriated fracas? Aha!…Actually none of these places has that, but that would be damn funny, wouldn't it? 

The shtick of the "nÓg" is that its bar was assembled from a real, Irish church in Ireland. The imported bits and pieces arrived on our shores and were assembled "Monster Garage" style into something that resembles a bar.

From far away, the bar looks "stock," but up close, the wooden alcoves reveal its "holiest of holies" past. It's not too hard to imagine statues of Mary or St. Joseph nestled behind the beer taps. Amidst the intricate wood carvings, precipices and archways, bottles of Absolut, Jack Daniels and Dekuyper Hot Damn schnapps are the new idolatry at this makeshift mission. 

This leads us to the impressive list of single malt scotch and Irish whiskey selections which "The nÓg" keeps on hand. Single malts include: Aberlour, Oban and McCallan. All of your famous Irish Whiskeys are represented too: Jameson 12 year old, Black Bushmills and Tullamore Dew.

And what would a proper Irish-American pub be without good taps: Guinness, Boddingtons, Harp, Bass, Tir na nÓg Stout, Strongbow Cider, Chimay Grand Reserve (bottle), Duvel, and Stella Artois (I know those last 3 are not from Ireland or England, but I like these beers.)

For the ladies, they offer bottled Smirnoff Ice, Bud Light, and Corona. All apologies to any guy who drinks those beers. It's about time someone told you that these are "wussie" drinks. It's time to "strap on a set" and drink with the big boys at the adult table. Hey, just because they make fanny packs, doesn't mean you have to wear them! 

I should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm incredibly forgetful and I've had a few by this point. Translated from Gaelic, Tir na nÓg means "The Land of the Eternal Noogie." This is weird because who wants to be reminded of their high school years. Well, maybe I'm just talking from personal experience since I spent half my high school years in a locker. Ok, ok, I'm just f*cking with you. The real meaning of Tir na nÓg is "Land of Eternal Youth." From an old Irish legend, Tir na nÓg was a mythical island off Ireland's West Coast where its inhabitants remained forever young. I'm not sure but I think they filmed Braveheart there too. 

The scene? On Friday and Saturday Nights the place gets comfortably crowded with the post college, "I'm making a decent income" set. Hardly anyone is wearing jeans. In the style of an Irish pub, there are little nooks and alcoves where tables are set-up that offer a little bit of privacy. Old black and white photos break up the monotony of the soothing dark red walls. Adding to the coziness, is a brick fireplace that warms the cockles on those cold Philly nights.

There are a handful of parking lots about a block or so away from the pub. Some daring patrons park on the sidewalk of Cuthbert St., a one way, tight alley-way adjacent to the entrance.

Since Tir na nÓg is off the beaten path and located in a hotel (it does have it's own entrance), I've never seen the place overly crowded, which is nice. If you're lucky, you might get to see a good live act perform here. Well, depending upon how good the band is, you might be unlucky. Tir na nÓg is definitely worth a visit. 

The Phoenix Hotel