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When someone mentioned that “Tonight’s happy hour is at Rio,” like Pavlov's Dog, the Duran Duran tune of the same name (“Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand . . .”) played in my head. I remember the club when it was Noah’s but I have not been back since. But before I start the review of the club, I gotta do the pre-review, because the adventure starts prior to getting to the club.
First of all, with a name like Rio, where would you expect to find it? Down by the river? Correct, but where along the river is a different story.
If you're in Conshohocken, and you head down Fayette street, past the Great American Pub towards the I-76 entrance you are heading in the right direction . . . towards the river. After that, I wish you
good luck finding the place. Pay close attention to the directions link above.
But back to my expedition...If my memory served me correctly, I knew Rio was on the left, somewhere in a maze of old warehouse buildings.
Since I was there before and I'm a guy, I was a bit reluctant to stop and ask for directions. Besides, where's the fun in that! My first attempt to find Rio was unsuccessful, but after the second go around, I noticed a beautiful baby in a car
headed in the general direction of where I thought the elusive Rio was and I just got the vibe (“Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand . . .”).
I can't explain it ladies, but this sort of thing can't be taught and besides what would a beautiful woman be doing driving around old warehouses. (Ed. Note: Well, Nutty, I can think of a line of work that would involve a beautiful girl
and old, out of the way warehouses, 'nuff said.)
So I follow her through this maze of warehouses and eventually after 5 minutes we get to Rio. I was feeling a little uneasy because it was blatantly obvious that I was following her. I was hoping that she did not think I was some
type of weirdo. What made matters worse was that I had to park next to her. The look that she gave me said. “You’re a freak.”
Hey, it’s a step up from a weirdo! Whoo hoo!
So I followed her into the entrance and the place is looking pretty nice. Unfortunately I was recently in Vegas, and the Rio casino out there was a bit more appealing - the buildup that I had in my head was released (“Her
name is Ri- " Oh forget it.). Anyways, you cross a bridge and voilà you're in Rio - at least the Philly version.
The club itself is a standard dance club that is mounted on a deck over the Schuylkill River. It is a typical Delaware Ave. club but transplanted to Conshohocken. The main attractions are the deck and the river. There is also a boat that tours the river, but when I was visiting, it was not running. Rio carries a fairly good selection of beer and my one
friend was very happy because they had cider on tap. Mmmmmm!
The deck was not the most attractive place. It seemed quite weathered and disheveled. Also the plant life by the water's edge next to Rio was growing wild.
A little maintenance wouldn't hurt. The one thing that really bugged me was the plastic sheeting hanging down around the perimeter of the deck. I know why its there, but it reminds me of being on a
construction site...which means work...which is not what I (or anyone else) wants to be thinking about past 5:00pm.
I was only there for an extended happy hour, from around 5:00pm to 10:00pm. Although I did not get to experience the full nightlife of the place, I did not care for the place and I had no interest to stay any longer. The only
reason why I stayed so late (I was supposed to catch up with the Dog and Elbo earlier) was that the aforementioned beautiful baby made a comment to me as she was leaving and I got the chance to chat her up before she slapped a restraining order on me (“Her name is Rio and she dances on the
sand . . .”).
-Review by the Nutty Irishman |
